let go

-what (or whom) did you let go of this year? why?-

i let go of a lot this year, and with each act of letting go, i changed my sense of self.

for over a decade i was the girl who worked at good vibrations. i rose through the retail ranks of sales associate and assistant manager to become a member of the marketing team as advertising coordinator and copywriter. the tough economy took it’s toll. we were bought and sold. i started as an owner of the co-op, was then converted to shareholder of the corporation and ended up an employee of the company. gv wasn’t what i wanted it to be anymore. i wasn’t who they wanted me to be anymore either. so we let each other go.

i had already been letting myself go for quite some time. both my weight and blood sugars were at an all time high. i decided to take the opportunity of unemployment to let some other things go. first i let go of food. i entered into an intense medically monitored fast for 15 weeks. i let go of my aversion to exercise, as well as some insecurities about sweating and being seen. eventually i let go of about 65 pounds and all my diabetes meds. my body was changing and so was my mind.

i’d like to think i’m a little less negative, but occasionally i behave just as badly. i’d like to say i’m more accepting, but i can still be just as judgemental. i do believe i’m a better person who’s been through worse. i may have held on to some things that i shouldn’t, but i’m proud of myself for the things i’ve let go.

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